Four Go Mad in Cornwall!

Buoyant Babe Dives Porthoustock!
by Helen Dainton

It was a bright and sunny Wednesday morning on the 12 April as Mr Helen (Paul) and myself set out in our campervan for what was to be the longest and furthest trip we had taken in the van. We had to be very careful packing the van for a six day trip and we decided not to take a lot of food with us, leaving more room in the fridge for beer. All my dive gear was nicely accommodated, which after all is the most important thing, so after a few final checks we were off on the first leg of our journey, a five hour drive to Tewkesbury in Gloucestershire.

It's a funny thing being in a campervan: Other van owners wave at you as they pass, like being in some sort of exclusive club. A van similar to ours overtook us on the way down and I began waving madly at the person who was waving to me from the rear window. Mr Helen asked what the hell I was doing and pointed out that the other 'person' was, in fact, a dog wagging its tail in the back of the other van!

We arrived in Tewkesbury in good time, and after hooking the van up to the electricity and sorting out water for the on-board toilet and shower (this is soooo civilised) we headed into town. After a few jolly pints of Stella we took a chicken kebab (such gastronomes we are!) back to the van, scoffed the lot and got some kip.

We made an early start for Plymouth arriving in mid afternoon. We had a quick look round the harbour and Barbican, while we waited for my friend Kirstie to finish work. Kirstie and I only know each other through Yorkshire Divers. We have spoken on the phone a few times, and we just knew we would get along immediately - and we weren't disappointed.

Kirstie took us on a walk round some of the sights of Plymouth to kill time while we waited for Kirstie's boyfriend Paul to arrive from Guildford. Once Paul arrived it was soon clear that the four of us were going to get along famously and we cemented our new friendship with a curry before crashing at Kirstie's pad for the night.

Next morning we set off for Cornwall - woohoo! I have never been that far down the country before so I was really excited. We reached our destination (after a bit of a traffic jam) at about 1pm. On arriving we went straight over to Porthoustock to see Paul's club, Guildford BSAC, who appeared to have taken over the whole bay for the weekend.

We had the opportunity to go out on the Club rib for a dive, but having just got there Kirstie and I wanted to kick back and relax, so Paul went off at the helm leaving us girlies to skip around in the 'splashy bits' (that's the sea, to normal people). The sun was shining, the sea was flat and the promise of a good weekend stretched ahead.

Never having been to Porthkerris before, I had no idea what to expect. Kirstie tells me it has changed a lot since last year with new showers and toilets and hard standing with electric hook up for camper vans. Kirstie and Paul pitched their tent in a field further up the hill while we sorted the van out. Pre-dinner drinks were had chez-Babe before heading into St Keverne and The Three Tuns.

The pub was packed and the evening's entertainment was provided by the locals, two of whom decided to have a fight in the bar right next to us. Someone had an ashtray stotted off their head, a table was overturned and one bloke had to be held back while he attempted to direct girlie-slaps and kicks at his target. After all this excitement we decided we were knackered so we retired for the evening with the intention of an early start the following morning to catch slack after high tide.

The next day dawned bright, but not as sunny as the previous day. Kirstie and Paul came down to the van and we set off down the beach for a shore dive. Although I had been told I was more than welcome on the Club rib, Kirstie and I were happy enough doing shore dives for the weekend. As I'd never dived with them before, I thought it only fair to do a few easy dives in case they discovered I was pants and had made it all up.

Once kitted up, access to the shore at Drawna Rocks where we were diving was via a rock slope with a rope to hold onto. This made for a few hairy moments while we minced our way down the slippery rocks. The sea was definitely not as flat as it had been the day before. In we plopped and made our way towards the rocks. It was a bit like a washing machine under there, to say the least, but the viz was a respectable 5m and the water temperature a clement 9 degrees. We saw wrasse, a huge spider crab, a nice purple anemone (not sure what type) and a starfish clinging onto a Cadbury's Crème Egg. We later found out that one of the University Clubs visiting the area were having an underwater Easter treasure hunt and the starfish just happened to have got there first.

The dive lasted 37 minutes, max depth 10.9m and I used 80 bar. Egress was fun, as the surf was quite strong, but we all made it back out and up to the slippery rocks to rejoin Mr Helen who had been out taking photographs while we were under the water.

After de-kitting it was back up to chez-Babe for tea and biscuits and a general lounge around for a few hours off-gassing. Early afternoon we left Mr Helen reading his Harley magazines and dreaming of his new bike while Paul, Kirstie and I piled into the car and headed off back to Porthoustock for another shore dive.

The sea was looking a bit calmer than it had been that morning and we decided to dive on the right hand side of the bay. The viz wasn't as good as good though (I'm a crap judge, but I reckon about 3m and grainy). Paul towed the SMB and Kirstie led the dive. There really wasn't much to see so we cut it short and I managed to navigate us right back to the exact point we got in on shore. I might not have a clue where we are when we're out there on a dive, but I always know I'll get you back home! The dive lasted 28 minutes and I used 55 bar, max depth 5.7m, water temperature 9.7 degrees.

That evening we all four all piled into The Three Tuns again, and with Guildford SAC we took over half the pub. No fights this evening, but lots of p*ss taking and general banter. At 12.01am we were still in the pub so I opened a packet of liquorice Catherine wheels I had brought with me specially and stuffed my face to mark the end of Lent and my liquorice abstinence.

On the way home down the quiet country lanes Kirstie and I regaled the two Pauls with a selection of pop classics for their delectation. This must have scared the local wildlife as we saw a badger (the first I have ever seen) trotting by the roadside. Rather, I saw a badgers a*se, which is 'roughly' how I suspected I'd feel the following day.

Surprisingly, I was up the following morning bright and early. We decided to do another shore dive at Porthkerris so kitted up in double-quick time as myself and Mr Helen needed to be away pronto for the drive up to Cheltenham that afternoon. The sea was much calmer, and if the day before had been akin to a washing machine on a spin cycle, then today was definitely much more of a 'delicates' wash. The viz was again about 5 metres, but a lot less grainy. We saw a big golden wrasse (a Ballan Wrasse?) and two Greater Pipefish, which I was thrilled at as I haven't seen any in UK waters before. The dive lasted 30 minutes, max depth 14.8m, water temperature 9.4 degrees and I used 65 bar.

Over the three shore dives this weekend I was able to try out all my new kit and am pleased to report that I'm more than happy with it all. Apart from my trusty regs, I have changed practically all my set-up over the winter. My neoprene suit and Fourth Elements keep me warm and comfortable and I now know what it's like to truly enjoy a dive. My single wing and harness is much more streamlined and my WozStraps make the donning and doffing of my fins considerably less of a comic exercise.

After we had packed all the kit away and performed our ablutions we sorted the camper van out and left Porthkerris. I was quite sad to go, especially as Kirstie, the two Pauls and myself seem to have hit it off so well together, but I suspect we'll be back. I'll boat dive the next time - The Manacles and the Mohegan await my return. Before leaving, Kirstie and Paul treated us to a Roskilly's ice cream, which is worth a return trip in itself just to work my way through the ice cream menu!

The drive to Cheltenham was a long one and took about six hours. We stayed on a site within Cheltenham Racecourse and walked into town for a drink and a bite to eat. We were really tired and were 'all beered out' from the weekend's excesses, so we only managed one drink before we went for a curry and headed back to the van for an early night. The next day we took a leisurely drive home, and arrived back in South Shields six hours later.

The whole round trip was 1060 miles and worth every gallon of petrol. Both me and Mr Helen had a great time on our travels. We want to say thanks to Kirstie and Paul for organising the weekend and for their hospitality. Thanks also to the boys and girls of Guildford BSAC for the warm welcome and general p*ss taking banter enjoyed by all. Oh, and look out - we'll be back!

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